@MiddleageM: Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet
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@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat
@uccjeb: Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I'll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live.
@ISOremarkable: if i was a conductor of an orchestra, i would abuse my power by making them warm up to a stirring rendition of "ice, ice, baby."
@OneFunnyMummy: I don't know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.