@MiddleageM: Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet
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@elizabeth_fels: Romeo possum: [kissing] You're so hot Juliet possum: [plays dead] Romeo possum: Not cool, babe
@slimmy_shady: "OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!Damn these thin walls. Don't know if my neighbors are having sex, praying or having a coronary.
@RidiculousSheri: I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
@kenwhacksit: I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!