@teeaysmith: Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
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@sofarrsogud: NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food *camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression
@matt___nelson: [Hot Wheels cars zooming through entire house] "I SWEAR TO GOD KAREN IF YOU DISCONNECT ANY PART OF THIS TRACK I'M DIVORCING YOU"
@Parentpains: Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push, into traffic.