@WarrenHolstein: Having a traditional Columbus Day. Headed to a casino to hand out blankets with smallpox on them.
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@SteveSuckington: "I'm just gonna pull on weird animal parts until something comes out that I can drink" -guy who discovered milk
@SteveSuckington: [blind date] "I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex" -did you just read that off your hand? "Hey! You're not blind!"
@marcia_bee: Found an old Tom Jones CD and my underwear drawer flew wide open and all my undies threw themselves at my stereo.
@Jabba_Jabba_Jaw: You can insult anyone you want, as long as you end the sentence with "but in a good way".