@Beerhaze: Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.
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@MonSwanson: I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend "because I'm such a pretty girl". I'm a psycho, grandma.
@P_o_n_k: BURGLAR: Look at all these pizza boxes. He must eat it every day. ME (hiding in closet): Yeah, or maybe he threw a cool party with friends.