@ChemBtwnUs: Having dinner with my phone and some people.
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@FatuousFloozy: Women love a man that can cook, tell a lady you're interested in that youll cook anything their heart desires. And pray they say "spaghetti"
@QwertyJones3: ME: Hi I'd like to apply for a job as a contortionist "When can you come in for an interview?" ME: I'm flexible
@PissingLaughter: Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'