@fixyourcompass: Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day.
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@garrydavenport: When I die, please scatter my ashes over my iPhone, computer and TV, because I want to be left to my own devices.
@Dani_Feld: Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK
@Bunnydurden: I wish mirrors and cameras would get together and figure out what I really look like.