@TaranKillam: Having kids means you'll have a lot of interrupted conversa--
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@realHamOnWry: According to the most current magazine in this doctor's office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
@MissBamantha: Grandpa Joe's all, I'm gonna just stay in bed for twenty years. Wait, a CHOCOLATE FACTORY? jkjk I can walk! He's my kinda people.
@cramoska: Make people question sincerity by adding quotations to your cards: "Thank You" Get well "soon" "Congratulations" on the "baby"
@daniellebyers: My 11 year old dumped his girlfriend because she was too "sassy." So I'm guessing my days are numbered.