@heymonroe: Having no tattoos in 2014, is like having tattoos in 1967.
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@girl_a_whirl: [Catholic church] *priest hands out "What To Expect At Your Exorcism" Husband: Babe, this isn't counseling Me: You said you'd try anything
@SortaBad: Workin hard. Putting my nose to the grindstone. Grinding away that nose. Barely any nose left now. Whole face messed up. Due for a promotion
@thenatewolf: "You do realize it's a crime to lie in court, right?" *I think for a moment and then move my hands closer together*
@ScorpionDong: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain streaking" [pilot darts out of the cockpit completely naked]