@heymonroe: Having no tattoos in 2014, is like having tattoos in 1967.
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@only_one_ee: Trainer: OK this week we are cutting carbs. Me: Wait, what - even macaroni & cheese? Trainer: Ya. Me: ...I think we should see other people.
@Jandalize: I always carry a condom. I never know when things are going to get hot & heavy & I'll have to throw a sturdy water balloon at someone.
@roostermustache: Biden: can i put whoopee cushions under all the chairs before he gets here Obama: joe im on the phone Biden:*muttering* u didnt say not to
@JohnLyonTweets: I'll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I've felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower.