@DanielRCarrillo: Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: (God creating coyotes) God: Make them look like dogs. Angel: Exactly like dogs? God: But with a meth problem.
@sip_at_home_mom: I wrote: You'll always have a place in my heart. AC sent: You'll always have a place in my hearse. Now "staying friends" seems unlikely.
@DonSchanke: For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids
@anylaurie16: Chelsea Clinton charges $65,000 for a 10 minute speech. How many times has her husband said, "Honey, I can’t afford to hear about your day.”