@DanielRCarrillo: Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die
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@LuvPug: If there's ever an apocalypse, you'll recognize me because I'll be the zombie wearing flip flops
@djdarrellripley: *At The Opera* Her: Where are you going? Me: I have to go to the Men's Room. Her: I have the car keys. Me: Shit!
@weinerdog4life: I'm not allowed at the gym anymore because I dropped my chili dog on the treadmill