@DanielRCarrillo: Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die
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@JasonLastname: First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air.
@michael_raphone: BOSS: I'm sorry mike, but you've been downsized ME: (75% of my original size, in a voice 125% higher pitched) ahh maaan
@theSolemnBard: ME: Boy, the upstairs neighbors are sure noisy tonight. WIFE: Y— wait. We live on the top floor. ME: *remembering my promise to the brotherhood of dancing chimney sweeps* Boy, sure is windy, is what I meant to say.
@iAmDelFreaky: ~ At a bar last night ~ Her: I don't want to be alone tonight Me: Well, I can take care of that *takes her home* Me: Pick any cat you want