@vladchoc: Having sex is like riding a bike. Specifically, like that scene in Pee-wee's Big Adventure where everyone in the world has a bike except you
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@Coops_Bradley: That's a really big gun in your pants. And that's how you get out of a speeding ticket.
@One_FineMess: If two people love each other nothing is impossible... Except deciding where to eat.
@weinerdog4life: Me: Waiter, there's a duck in my soup Waiter: That's a pond, you're at a park, I'm just here with my family, will you put some pants on?
@girlontapas: Woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee and then took a nap... So no, technically, Ms. Snooty HR, I didn't sleep through my alarm again.