@GrantTanaka: having sex w/ a girl who has multiple personalities would be awesome unless one of those personalities was hitler
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@BobTheSuit: 911: Your emergency? -Karen asked me a question. 911: Not an emergency. -She asked if I could be more pacific. 911: Cars are on their way.
@generaldietz: Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what? Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir.
@Tmoney68: Nothing in this life is certain, except death and taxes. And stepping in water if you're wearing socks.