@CheryeDavis: He died doing what he loved...failing to read my mind.
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@BigBagOfScum: My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me.
@DamienFahey: Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
@JediGigi: Him:You married? Me:Aww You think I'm that pretty? H:Ma'am just filling out your pape- M:SO I'M UGLY? H:I'll tell the therapist to hurry