@10InchesPlus: He died doing what he loved, forgetting to put my potato wedges in the bag.
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@jessienope: religious? why yes i'm very religious, i'm always reading [glances at bible] the beeblay
@Sassafrantz: Saw a couple wearing surgical masks in public and all I could think was "what do they know that I don't?"
@KyleMcDowell86: [on date] *okay don't let her know you're a T-Rex* Her: Can you pass the salt please? Me: Crap...
@steveolivas: I went through and unfollowed everyone who is better looking than me. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.