@chapel3929: He died doing what he loved, my now ex-wife
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@bingowings14: 'I'm really excited about the Pixar cowboy figure I got for my birthday.' 'Woody?' 'Not quite that excited.'
@JermHimselfish: There used to be 9 planets, just like there used to be 9 members of Wu-Tang, but then ODB died so they had to kick Pluto out of the group.
@_itspat_: There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.