@DamonHunzeker: He died doing what he loved -- screaming for help and punching a bear.
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@sixthformpoet: I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals.
@philandher96: Trying to make pancakes this morning and it turns out I didn't get the spatula in the divorce.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Tim: This is Tim from accounting. Me: Hi Tim from accounting. Tim: Just say Tim. Me. Tim. Tim: How are you today? Me: Tim.