@DamonHunzeker: He died doing what he loved -- screaming for help and punching a bear.
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@SwedishCanary: I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving
@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently saying, "Oh, I just came to watch" makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class.
@ChickenFrecklez: Me texting friend: Hey! What's up? Buddy: *sends picture of ceiling* Me: I am so glad I didn't ask "how's it hanging"
@Book_Krazy: [Therapist appt.] Hub: She doesn't have her priorities straight. *Me on FaceTime with a petting zoo in the background* "That's not true"