@bingowings14: He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
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@DadandBuried: "Try it, it's so good!" "Come on, man. Just a taste." "I'm having some. Mmmm." "Trust me." Feeding my 2yo makes me feel like a drug dealer.
@UNTRESOR: I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.
@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.