@bingowings14: He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
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@MelKassel: ME: do dogs think we have three mouths because we pick stuff up with our hands? VET: where exactly is your dog ME: he's uh coming later
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: I read my mom that funny tweet you wrote. Me: Don't you mean THOSE funny TWEETS? Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: No. No, I don't.
@envydatropic: It's cute how my family thinks I'm playing with fire and I'm just trying to cook them breakfast