@bingowings14: He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
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@davedittell: the boss hands me a gun, "you know what to do." I nod. outside, I frantically google: boss gun why how to kill is killing ok regift gun ok
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?
@semple42: The date was going so well until he called me gorgeous and I blew a bubble out of my nose on accident.