@KyleMcDowell86: He died doing what he loved, trying to use a hammerhead shark for carpentry
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@TrickleVaryTea: Found my bra in the garden. Wish it was from wild sex but I think my cat dragged it out the cat flap.
@Marcmywords2: That awkward moment when the Priest uses YOUR confession as the theme for his sermon. Again.
@stargazer15_: I'm the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice. Really dirty.
@Ideal_Victoria: Fun Fact: If someone’s car alarm keeps going off, you’re legally obligated to set the car on fire.