@KyleMcDowell86: He died doing what he loved, trying to use a hammerhead shark for carpentry
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@erica_rosie: One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
@Underchilde: They say they’re free weights, but the gym gets pissed if you put them in your car and leave.
@NicCageMatch: Learn from your mistakes. Make better & better mistakes until you're making the best mistakes possible.
@FilthyRichmond: I bring our baby to the bar so I can throw her at people and slurp down their c**ktails while they're trying to catch her.