@KyleMcDowell86: He died doing what he loved, trying to use a hammerhead shark for carpentry
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@TheNardvark: She said that having a successful marriage is all about making sacrifices so I threw her into a volcano.
@AtticusFinch79: Me: Babe, can you zip this for me? Him: That's an inflatable sumo suit. Me: I'm flying United today. Him: Don't forget your helmet.
@MindyFurano: person: can you keep a secret? me: I'll never share what you say but it will weigh on me and negatively affect my life person: oh thank god