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@CornOnTheGoblin: He died doing what he loved
smelling things underwater
@OnBeingHer: 6: I'm going outside to play.
Me: Stay in your own yard.
6: Define "my own yard"
Me: .... have fun.
So her mother's child.
@roostermustache: Me: can i play music
Funeral director: that's not appropriate
Me: nana would've wanted it
CD player: someBODY once told me
@ChrisThayerSays: I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat.
@JNalv: I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy
@summerofbenny: "I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure." - Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.