@six_2_and_even: He had salt and pepper hair. There was also a hint of oregano. And bay leaves. His entire head was a bottle of Italian seasoning.
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@mrtruthandsoul: How much of this "no more tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
@MikeBigby: Idiom update: "the pot calling the kettle black" is now "the guy from Aerosmith accusing a dude of looking like a lady"
@AndyRichter: I ordered a toilet seat from Amazon and now based on the ads I see they must think I have an insatiable toilet seat addiction
@GrantTanaka: Went to an Air & Space museum today, nothing was in there. I asked "So what's the exhibit?" & the guy was like "You're breathing it, man."