@six_2_and_even: He had salt and pepper hair. There was also a hint of oregano. And bay leaves. His entire head was a bottle of Italian seasoning.
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@3sunzzz: [little old lady struggling to pick up her bag of library books off the floor] Me: [walking by] "It's easier if you lift with your legs."
@INeed_AnAdult: Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.
@Ygrene: Me (being murdered): hey I need to switch the laundry Murderer (stops stabbing): oh dang you don't want that stuff sitting in the washer