@Norsebysw: He had the strength of ten men and the confidence of twelve morons.
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@stuckinaportal: *wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella
@rolldiggity: I never feel guilty about eating baby carrots because it's not like adult carrots are doing anything great with their lives.
@BFNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.