@Norsebysw: He had the strength of ten men and the confidence of twelve morons.
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@omgthatspunny: The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency? "How do u unburn pizza?" U burnt a pizza "Yes" I'll send a squad car "Ok will they help?" No ur under arrest
@HatfieldAnne: (starts to scramble eggs) “THESE YOLKS WON'T BREAK! THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!” (.0008 seconds later) “Oh, ok.”