@Marlebean: He held up my pants and said "Are you sure these are yours? They look small. You can fit in these??"
Judge: Not guilty. You're free to go.
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@kelkulus: If you believe that no great story ever started with someone eating a salad, then you're using the wrong kind of mushrooms.
@Book_Krazy: Dawn's coming over. "Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?" *Dawn walks in* "WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady I'm framing for murder.
@iMikosnyc: Sorry I put black eyeliner on your baby, but honestly, look at how edgy it is now.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy.
@Cryptoterra: after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host
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