@DailyVelli: He: is this love or what? She: What.
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@Bob_Heller: Lions do NOT share. If you try to give them half a hoagie, they will take it, plus your half, plus your arm, plus I am inside a lion.
@Fred_Delicious: Fun fact: Snakes don't exist. They were made up by scientists in 1923 as a joke that went too far so they just kinda rolled with it
@murrman5: where did you get them pants? [wife goes to answer but stops then narrows her eyes] you're not going as me for halloween again are you?
@Sickayduh: [Phone rings] Babysitter: Hello? Dude: Dont. Go. Upstairs. Babysitter: Wha.. What's upstairs? Dude: NOT MUCH, STAIRS, WHAT'S UP WITH YOU