@causticbob: "He looks just like his grandfather" is a cute thing said about a new baby in most parts of the world. In Alabama,it's more of an accusation
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@FrenulumBreve: HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie? HER: sure, sounds great. [next day] HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?
@BlackCatBettie: What's faster than the speed of light? A female untagging herself from an unflattering photo.
@Mikecanrant: There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling "I HAVE THE POWEEER!" like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.
@Discourt: INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.