@Jay_FrickinLynn: He pasta way? Here today, gone tomato. You cannoli do so much before thyme is up. Never sausage a tragedy. Olive my thoughts are with you.
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@OneTrickTofani: *Robber runs into Chipotle* GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER "Is this for here or to go?" Uh. To go "Do you want guac?" Sure "It's extra"
@SamGrittner: I want to become a librarian so bad. I love books but I love telling people to shut up even more.
@hpb777: Me: *texts* How'd you sleep? Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.