@Beatonm5: He said he was a Guardian of the galaxy, I thought that was pretty cool until I realised he was a security guard in a Samsung shop.
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@JasonCarney31: Jesus draws a bath after an exhausting day, gets in "Damn it, c'mon, not again!" he says as he sits on top of the water, unable to submerge
@SteussieErica: [Calling guy I met in bar in '91] Me: Remember you said "Call me any time?" Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
@Sarcasticsapien: Beauty and the Beast is an introvert's worst nightmare. You stay home alone miles from people and then the damn dishes start talking to you.
@daimonic0: If you come home n your dog gives you a lecture about smoking pot, you probably should lay off the acid too.