@omgthatspunny: He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
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@itshotterhere: 9: Daddy, what starts with F and ends in UCK? my face: *look of horror* 9: firetruck! What else? me: nervous laugh *pours another drink*
@Momtoteens: When I go see my drug dealer, she makes me lay on a couch and talk to her for an hour first.
@dorsalstream: [kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT.