@SmithWit: He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.
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@BlindChow: In the 17th century, villagers would burn down entire neighborhoods to combat diseases such as bubonic plague, typhus, and gluten.
@PortRooster: If women had to be assembled, a lot of us would probably just play with the box...
@NicestHippo: "You're sure you understand stock trading?" ME: Yep "Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"
@girl_a_whirl: I'm quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would've gone in an entirely different direction.