@SmithWit: He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.
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@samalmightysam: -I love you! -Me too! -You too what? -What you said -What did I say? -That -Say it -What? -I want u to say it -Well -and? -what? -Say it -it
@CodyJP9412: I don't always make pterodactyl noises, but when I do it's usually because I'm walking through a crowded aisle in Walmart.
@Home_Halfway: My wife's leaving me for refusing to stop referring to our children as my Capri Son and Capri Daughter.
@caperbc75: I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all "She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire"