@Lisa_Laughs_: He said there was no spark between us, so I tazed him. I'll ask again when he wakes up.
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@daemonic3: [trying to impress fiancée's entire family] Waiter: Your bill for- Oh I got it! [looks at bill & spits wine] WHO ORDERED THE "SUBTOTAL"?!?
@One_FineMess: I don't understand why New Years Eve is such a big deal. I get drunk and tell myself lies all the time. Who needs a special day for that?