@Lisa_Laughs_: He said there was no spark between us, so I tazed him. I'll ask again when he wakes up.
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@OneFunnyMummy: The fastest way to get your kids to shut up is to ask them a question you want answered.
@Malocallidus: someone asked : are you coming? me: No, but I'm breathing fast... them: me: them: me: I guess I'll save that one for Twitter
@GensPlace: I began writing full time 20 years ago. I've sold lots - my tv, my car, my jewellery...
@InternetHippo: BAND: How’s everyone doing tonight!! [crowd goes nuts] ME (standing in the middle, normal voice): Ok I guess. Kinda tired.