@Lisa_Laughs_: He shouldn't have died so young, but he also shouldn't have cut the grass at 7:30 am on a Sunday. (I'm writing my neighbors obituary)
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@AndrewNadeau0: HER: *Points to my dish* I'll have what he's having ME:*Blocks plate w/ my arms* This is mine H: No, I mea- M:*To waiter* Tell her it's mine
@AristotlesNZ: Nothing solves all of life's biggest problems like a well-timed, awkward & overly complicated kick to the face. -The Karate Kid.
@VintageKriner: "You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark." The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage.