@Lisa_Laughs_: He shouldn't have died so young, but he also shouldn't have cut the grass at 7:30 am on a Sunday. (I'm writing my neighbors obituary)
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@noog: Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime “literally” is misused and did his “You keep saying that word“ bit Genie: That ones on the house
@LurkAtHomeMom: Called Comcast to see about dropping my service and long story short, If anyone wants to watch Showtime, call me on one of my 36 landlines.
@WhoCuppedMyCake: If your ex is dropping subtle hints drop bigger hints. Like a toaster in a bathtub.
@zacharyflynn: One time a girl told me to take off her shirt and I was like wow ok it doesn't really fit me anyway.