@VeroniKaboom: "He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I'd totally hit that."
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@XplodingUnicorn: If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work.
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: So do you like Star Wars? ME: Oh yeah HER: Who's your favorite character? ME: *nervously looking at smudged notes* Yoga
@TheAlexNevil: My first job in retail taught me that the customer is always right. Until they're out of earshot.