@Faux_Ma: He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered "What makes you think this is steak?" While I stroked his thigh with a knife.
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@TheToddWilliams: [sideline] QB: Do you think I should go for it? COACH: I say go for it [huddle] CENTER: So? QB: Would you like to go for a coffee sometime?
@Sassafrantz: I THINK [boyfriend goes by] YOU'RE TOO [boyfriend goes by] YOUNG FOR ME [boyfriend goes by] -me breaking up w/ my boyfriend at the carousel
@okaypup: "Do not purchase if seal is broke" *looks over at homeless seal* *places canned pickles back on the shelf*
@MsanthropyVani: Them: Help! A poisonous snake bit me! Me: oh shit. Umm. So. The word you're looking for is venemous. Don't feel bad, it's a common mistake.