@ValeeGrrl: He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could "relax" so now I'm sitting here suspicious that he's done something to piss me off.
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@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any ghosts work here?
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Just dropped a butcher knife in the kitchen and apparently I can fly now. So that's cool.
@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, "Sounds like somebody needed a friend"
@KalvinMacleod: ALIEN: maybe we can teach this planet the secrets of the universe *sees me trying to get pringles from the middle of the can* ALIEN: or not