@ValeeGrrl: He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could "relax" so now I'm sitting here suspicious that he's done something to piss me off.
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@shawn_spree: My son does this cute thing where he installs games on my phone and then for weeks I get notifications that my village is under attack.
@OfficialMizGin: Take it easy, guy who posts 10,000 pics of his baby on Facebook. We get it already. You got laid once.
@_mindflakes: (boom boom clap) (boom boom clap) Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog Playing in the park Gonna eat some cool bugs today
@UNTRESOR: Not to brag, but I can usually tell if meat has spoiled between 4-6 hours after eating it.