@donni: He was a man of peace...until they burned down his village. Now, the quest for vengeance has turned him into...A Man Of Burning Things Down
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@CornOnTheGoblin: ? Hey there Delilah, this is dispatch please come quickly There's a robbery in progress Suspect is white & in his 50s And high on gluuue ?
@gm_cage: My 8 yr old son just told me Nutella is a delicious mix of nuts and umbrellas. He's ready for Twitter.
@lasergirl70: Me to waiter: "I'm eating for 2." Waiter: "Oh, you're pregnant?" Me: "No, my sister was supposed to meet me here, but she can't make it."
@toastymoe: One of my co-workers just called the elevator a "vator". Anyways, long story short, this is my one phone call...