@donni: He was a man of peace...until they burned down his village. Now, the quest for vengeance has turned him into...A Man Of Burning Things Down
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@CodyJP9412: GUY SPIDER: (after sex) omg I can't wait to see my son GIRL SPIDER: *putting on bib* yeah, about that..
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: My book was translated for the UK. Wife: They speak English. Me: *looks at the 1000 times they changed "stroller" to "buggy"* Sort of.
@squirrel74wkgn: A haunted house would be pretty scary if it was filled with light switches that accidentally turned on the garbage disposal.
@weinerdog4life: Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart.