@thenatewolf: Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
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@psybermonkey: [Getting chased by cops after heist] Me: Damn, I can't shake 'em. It's like they're one step ahead of us. Partner: STOP USING YOUR BLINKER
@JohnLyonTweets: So the waiter said "The plate is hot" and I said "I'll be the judge of that, haha." Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center.
@causticbob: My wife asked me today if I would ever cheat on her. I replied, "Who else would I cheat on?"