@on_the_fritz_17: "Head, shoulders, knees, and toes" is beautiful to hear in a children's classroom - but not at the site of a plane crash.
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@kentgrossarth: Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
@Steelers1972: Just hung a picture of Steve Buscemi over my daughters toothbrush to ensure proper brushing.
@SortaBad: After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java. He hates me.