@BadAssB48546279: Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I'll stop asking you to take our family to Disneyland Me: You finally understand we can't afford it 5: You should just send me
@68Cly29: I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Guess who doesn't want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.
@Grafiksein: Me: guess who i saw today? Batman: who? M: not your parents B: Y do you always do this? M: cause they told me to B: who? M: not your parents