@BadAssB48546279: Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle.
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@david8hughes: [first day working at the pizzeria] Me [cheeks full like a hamster]: boss, we've run out of everything
@KelgoreTrout: i named my first son "christian" and i named his twin brother "born-again christian"
@sameralkhoury: I freak out when i don't see the L and R marks on headphones. There's no way I'm taking that risk.
@cerebralbeef: The way to cure your loneliness is to get on out there! But first, be better looking. And stop being yourself, that's obviously not working.