@Donna_McCoy: Heading to the dentist. I hope they've all taken their Valium and said their prayers.
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@Darlainky: [neighborhood meeting] Me: This is an outrage! Neighbor: Exactly! The city’s plan to– Me: Nothing but powdered creamer for the coffee? I’m out of here.
@handsock_butts: ME: this hotel is infested with squirrels! GUY: get out of my son's tree house ME: fine, but I'm keeping the squirrels
@ehchinoo: I bet dogs have a really hard time playing Twister Left paw: grey Other left paw: darker grey, but not the darkest grey. Sort of in between
@sixfootcandy: Doctor: Can you stick to a clear liquid diet for a few days? Me: Sure! Vodka is a clear liquid.