@Xoolun: Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I'm now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
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@PortRooster: Buddy of mine dropped some acid... Burnt a hole in the floor... He was tripping for days!
@TheAdly: Why is your ass split vertically? Because if it was split horizontally it would clap when you're going down the stairs.
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.
@thejakeshenry: I was pretty excited about this box of elbows before I saw that it was only macaroni.