@Mothpete: Health tip: There's never a 'safe' time to shake a teenage boy's hand. Never.
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@MinionTrainer: Noticed lots of older people reading the bible. It's like they are cramming for their final exam.
@peteholmes: "Honey, have you seen the baby? I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!" - birth of an expression
@jergarl: Ambien: Where is your unicorn? Me: I don't have a unicorn. A: You better get naked and go into that Arby's and look for it anyway. M: Ok.