@Mothpete: Health tip: There's never a 'safe' time to shake a teenage boy's hand. Never.
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@bingowings14: Jesus: Listen guys, why has someone written 'nail appointment' in my diary? Judas: No idea, J. No idea.
@NoTheOtherJohn: ME: *spills red wine on carpet* I am so sorry MY GIRLFRIEND'S DAD: That's ok. So John, what do you do? ME: *pulls carpet cleaning spray from my bag* Funny you should ask..
@JP_theAntiHero: Sometimes I think you have good taste in clothing as I try on your sundress. Other times I think you need a better home security system