@slyoung5: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
I can accomplish this if I avoid my mother.
@MissNaughty1801: My mother in law:did you put the weight on?
Me:no...actually I've lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you
@funnybrad: Air Bud seems like a great movie, until you realize some poor kid was cut from the team to make room on the roster for a golden retriever
@Vodkantots: Did you know that you can get kicked out of a gym for using a laser to point out areas people should work on?
Well, you can.
@Beatonm5: He said he was a Guardian of the galaxy, I thought that was pretty cool until I realised he was a security guard in a Samsung shop.
@jordanrubin: "We stopped making the style of jeans that fit you perfectly right after you bought your first pair." -Every store ever