@slyoung5: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
I can accomplish this if I avoid my mother.
@Madame_Royale: I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands.
@PercySleeves: DATE: Are you a dog person or a cat person?
DOG: Cat person, definitely.
@claudiaa_haleyy: I hate that "You know what to do" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad.
@peachesanscream: Do dolphins have tattoos of single mothers on their arses?
@VerbsRProudest: Taking a nap now. If you're tempted to wake me, please remember Jurassic Park. Just because we can do it, doesn't always mean we should.