@J_Luce3: Heard someone died from eating a meal that wasn't Instagrammed.
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@PaperWash: It's not about retweets or followers, it's about alienating your children so they learn to be independent and responsible
@ericsshadow: ME: have you seen my keys? WIFE: check your pockets ME: nope [phone rings] ME: hello? CIA: check your other pocket