@J_Luce3: Heard someone died from eating a meal that wasn't Instagrammed.
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@UncleDuke1969: Laugh, and the world laughs with you... Keep saying "LOL" out loud, and you'll die alone. (For Judy in Accounting)
@SteveSuckington: What she said: wanna share some nachos? What I heard: wanna race to see who can eat the most nachos?
@ValeeGrrl: "Oh shit that sounded important," I exclaim as I vacuum and don't stop to investigate but keep on vacuuming.
@JasonLastname: Historians say teenagers in medieval times would send an average of 180 tiny scrolls by raven per day