@TheTweetOfGod: Heaven is like arriving at Disneyland. Hell is like still being at Disneyland three weeks later.
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@JaneBadall: Expecting an idiot to admit they're wrong feels a lot like trying to put socks on an octopus.
@sumpeoplelikeit: I wish people were more like dogs and you could just give them those three little pats and they'd know our interaction was over.
@XplodingUnicorn: Door-to-door Christian guy: Jesus loves you. Me: Really? Just me? Him: Well, no. He loves everyone. Me: I don't have time for players.