@Sassafrantz: He'd probably stop sending me "good morning, beautiful" texts if he saw how many chins pop out when I look down to read it.
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@Jubafisher: If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them.
@shatterpants: When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers.
@SuperShourds: My 4 year told me my tummy looks soft and squishy today, so I put her barbies on the highest shelf on the house.
@sixfootcandy: [blind date] Me: So you can't see me? Him: Nope. Not at all. Me: (stops sucking in gut) This is the best date ever!