@moxieblogger: Held a newborn baby, was asked if I wanted one. Laughed & laughed all the way to the bar, where I can go because I don't have a baby. So no.
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@SirEviscerate: [Lab] Co-worker: "Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.
@rolldiggity: Hate when the cop is like, "Sir, have you been petting kittens?" and I say, "I petted a few..." as I open the car door and kittens spill out