@FatherWithTwins: Hell hath no fury like a 5yo who didn't get as many pepperoni pieces on his pizza slice as his brother.
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@VenisVal: Ab Muscles: You're having ANOTHER cookie? Brain: Yep! Ab Muscles: You're just never planning on seeing us again? Brain: Nope!
@simoncholland: Daughter just wandered in after being put to bed and I hid the ice cream I was eating like it was a joint.
@TheGladStork: "Hey kids, you like candy?" I said to my own kids, luring them into my van so I could get them to school and be at work on time.