@FatherWithTwins: Hell hath no fury like a 5yo who didn't get as many pepperoni pieces on his pizza slice as his brother.
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@Sarcasticsapien: I hate the phrase "let me clarify" because it means someone is about to talk some more.
@DancesWithTamis: I'm so bad at making decisions that whenever I hit a yellow light I scream, open my car door and throw myself out
@shutupmikeginn: A tall guy in movie theater just sat in front of me and he's on a date so he's going to have good posture the whole time this sucks
@Contwixt: "My water-bowl wasn't filled to its usual level so I stole your watch and peed in your shoes." --Cats