@jnrbtsn: Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
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@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@sad_tree: *sees guy ordering pizza* "With onion" (Ok) "Sausage" (Nice) "Mushroom" (Hell yea) "Chk" (Plz) "Meatballs" (Why) "Anchovies" (Ur dead to me)
@lovemydogduck: The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.