@jnrbtsn: Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: *realises I've just stepped on an ant* oh no JOHN WICK: Has anyone seen my pet ant? ME: OH NO
@juliussharpe: I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler's diarrhea.
@GreenishDuck: My sisters made me watch their kids last night. At one point all six of them were crying, but I just kept rap battling them one by one.
@Julian_Deane: We’ve run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops.