@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a toddler who didn’t really want you to take a bite of the cookie he offered you
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@CheeseCasket: Pharmacist: Don't take this while driving and make sure you eat- *crushes pill and snorts off the counter* "Ok"
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*
@ohpeetie: [ new burger joint ] Me: I hear this place has the best burgers in town Waitress: Yeah, and we make our own ketchup Me: *leaves*
@thestlouisan: *Plots revenge by getting a job at a fast food restaurant and waiting for nemesis to drive thru and not putting a straw in their bag*