@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like a woman not getting responses to her text messages while she sees that you're continuing to tweet.
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@nishadtrivedi: Give a man an axe and he'll kill a person. Teach a man how to incorrectly spray on Axe and he'll kill everyone in a 30-ft radius.
@Ristolable: A person on this website accused me of writing "a thousand bad jokes" and I was like wow that's a weird way to say you like 7000 of my jokes
@E_lok44: You know that runny food on your plate that touches all the other food? That's you, butting into a conversation. You're creamed corn.