@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like a woman not getting responses to her text messages while she sees that you're continuing to tweet.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Iwriteforcats: Her: Wanna "lex" tonight? Him: What's that? Her: Lazy sex. Him: What do we do? Her: Lay in bed and send each other Huffington Post articles.
@trevso_electric: When I hear commercials say "win a trip for you and six friends" I start counting to see if I have six friends.
@chimneyspotter: *opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]
@Gooooats: Hurricanes should have scary names that instill a proper sense of alarm. Names like GOLTOG HARVESTER OF SOULS or Britni.