@treydayway: Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
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@WilliamAder: Putting my Christmas decorations on the house across the street so I can, you know, see them.
@emptyheadtwo: He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless. Never play poker against Mr Potato Head.
@iGreenMonk: I told the bank teller that I was changing banks & wanted to open an account "Great. What's the name of your former bank?" I said, "Piggy"