@treydayway: Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
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@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
@Contwixt: If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad.
@pizzajaynow: When someone yawns, I like to yell "Surprise Dentist!" and stick my hand in their mouth, which is fun because I'm not really a dentist.