@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a woman who stepped on the Legos you promised you'd pick up
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@Brampersandon_: ME: so what do you do GUY: I'm an oral surgeon ME: *imagining him doing heart surgery with just his mouth* wow I bet you're a helluva kisser
@jeepwave7: I'm sorry I pronounced your name wrong, because your mother ignored all laws of grammar in the English language
@djdarrellripley: Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired? Me: I got fired?