@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a woman who stepped on the Legos you promised you'd pick up
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@shawnspree: You know she loves you when you wakeup in a pool of ice in the motel room bathtub with only one kidney removed.
@BMcCarthy32: NFL catch rules are absurd. "Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn't accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete."
@nachosarah: my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone's having a party
@Loli_Sug: My boss bought a breathalyzer for our office because everyone comes back from lunch drunk. My personal best is .16